How To Make A Million Dollars With Your Poetry

a preliminary investigation by FRANK PARMA

People of the world! Do you ever look at at all the millionaires in the news, such as what's his name with the rap albums or the Triumph of the Shill guy and think, What do those swaggery wags have that I don't have (other than money)?? I don't know about the rest of you, but I freely confess I used to dream, even as a little barefoot boy among the slag heaps of my youth, of earning a cool million and spending it all on private brooks and obstacle courses for my friends. I hadn't settled on poetry yet because I didn't fully understand what poetry was and for this I blame the educational system. I tried to make money in several other ways, some more successful than others, until I finally settled on POETRY as the optimal path to my million-dollar future.

As a money-making venture, poetry has suffered from centuries of misconception. I believe this is due to the toll any serious poetry practice necessarily takes on the vital organs, not least of all the famous, and famously breakable, heart. It has long been claimed that to write anything at all is a spilling of blood, and to write poetry requires mandatory additional sacrifices of stomach lining, kidneys, uterine tissue, sputum, semen, and mucus membrane. All true! But while the PRACTICE of poetry is a vocation, heavily recommended against by doctors and carrying a large actuarial burden, the BUSINESS of poetry is as easy (and as healthful!) as licking Cool Whip off a spoon. Therefore IF YOU HAVE ALREADY COMMITTED to the hardships inherent to a life of poetry, why not exert .000001% of addition effort and TURN YOUR DREAMS INTO DOLLARS? In this bullet list I will explain a few of the ways that I and other poet-princes of the world have been raking in Harriet Tubmans (or local $20 equivalent) like crisp autumn leaves.

FULL DISCLOSURE, I HAVE NOT YET MADE a million dollars from the sale and distribution of Poetry, HOWEVER, I have made a good start and am more than pleased to share my wisdom with you, the people of the world.

What are some of the most common ways of making money through poetry? Let's look at a few of the best.

These are just a few of the MANY MANY ways POETRY can be converted into MONEY until you reach your goal of a Millionaire Poet Lifestyle.

If you have a suggestion from your own Millionaire Poet Journey, please don't hesitate to submit for a future essay, using the email address ghostchance [at] tutanota [dot] com. Let's share the wealth so we can share the Hennessey in days to come!